Step 1: Shock and Denial
Dear Cellphone Gods,
There’s no way my phone can be screwed up. I need it for tonight ASAP. I was just about to read the most important text message I will have EVER received in my entire life when you started acting funny.
This.
is.
not.
possible.
You have to fix this.
Horrifiedly yours,
Sarah
Step 2: Pain and Guilt
Dear Cellphone Gods,
I am sorry I kept 2,000 photos and videos on my phone along with countless apps and over 100 notes to myself about miscellaneous things that, in the scheme of things, don’t matter at all.
I really didn’t need to put 40 Florence and the Machine Songs on my cellphone earlier tonight (even though that band in amazing and I am in love with all their songs).
It hurts me to think my phone might never turn on again. It pains me to think that all my pictures and vides could be gone and lost forever.
Regretfully yours,
Sarah
Step #3 Bargaining
Dear Cellphone Gods,
You can’t really be this cruel to me.
If you recesitate my phone from the land of the dead, I promise to be kinder to my phone.
I will be less clumsy. I will be the best cellphone owner you have ever seen. I promise.
I will make sacrifices every day in your honor. Restore my phone to me.
Faithfully yours,
Sarah
Step #4: Anger
Dear Cellphone Gods,
What is your problem!?!? Seriously!!
WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME BY MAKING ME LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT MY PHONE?
I LIVE IN A LAND WHERE HARDLY ANYONE SPEAKS FLUENT ENGLISH. GOOGLE TRANSLATE IS MY BEST FRIEND. HOW DARE YOU TAKE GOOGLE TRANSLATE AWAY FROM ME!!
And Kakaotalk!
I NEED IT TO SURVIVE. I HAVE TO SEND PEOPLE PHOTOS OF WHAT I AM DOING AT EACH AND EVERY MOMENT ACCOMPANIED BY AN ADORABLE EMOTICON.
PEOPLE ARE DYING FROM BOREDOM WITHOUT MY CONSTANT TEXT UPDATES!!
I HATE YOU. I WILL ALWAYS HATE YOU.
Hatefully Yours,
Sarah
Step 5 & 6: Depression, Reflection, & Loneliness,
Dear Cellphone Gods,
I might never see the light of day again. People probably think I have died. And part of me did. My soul died when my phone and my pictures were taken from me. Who am I without my phone?
Lonely. I’m Ms. lonely. I have nobody for my own…. Lonely. I’m Ms. lonely. I have nobody— I’m too depressed to finish this. I let this song tell you my feelings.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EEW-9NDM5k
Sadly Yours,
Sarah
Step 7: Acceptance and Hope
Dear Cellphone Gods,
Whatever. What’s done is done. I can only be bitter and angry for so long before I have more important things to worry my pretty little head about.
Let’s let bygones be bygones and let’s move on with our lives.
Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I probably didn’t need all those photos anyway. It can be a new start. I can learn from my mistakes and make sure I upload my photos to a safer place more frequently and regularly.
Hey, maybe I can get a better phone.
Peacefully yours,
Sarah
–> as of now I haven’t quite gotten to step 7. Maybe when my phone is fixed or I get a new one I will feel at peace with the world.
